100 days of hope — 6. Overcoming learned helplessness
This tweet appeared in a thread about harsh psychology truths. Whether you agree with this it (and it’s gendered assertion) or not, something from it resonated with me.
I often feel like I am waiting for someone to tell me what to do. This starts from the moment I wake up when I struggle to get out of bed until my partner comes in a little irritated, or the door bell rings, or if I leave it any later then I will be late for work. I’m waiting for an external signal, I’m relying on other people’s expectations to motivate me.
There’s a certain safety in helplessness, in rarely asserting your own power within a situation. But this is where the proverbial snake eats itself. Because you invoke just as much power, all be it from a different angle, through acting helpless. Every time my partner has to get me out of bed or I’m late for work I’m sending a signal that I care less about the situation than them. Perversely I’m saying you need me to do this more than I need me to do this. Now that’s a rather nihilistic power play.
But there’s something hopeful in the term ‘learned helplessness’. It is not saying I am helpless, it’s saying somewhere along the way I’ve picked up this trait. In my work as a mental health nurse, I’m always holding lightly onto the idea that change is possible for the people I support. That they can unlearn or relearn behaviours, habits, dogma that shape their life. It’s time to practice what I preach and unlearn helplessness and relearn how to take responsibility for the power that I have.
(Written in bed at 9am — it’s time to get up).
